My dad is right, and I can watch the whole of my li(ves) reflected back to me on TV
I remember very little of my extreme youth ( ages zero to seven).
After that, i get bits and pieces, but NOT MUCH
I think I only retain enough memory in my body to experience nostalgia, and this has occurred during activities like trips to a Kmart that might still exist in town or watching a rerun of Golden Girls on "TV Land" or something ( Kmarts have THE EXACT SAME LAYOUT they had when i was a kid; they should charge this amazing trip back in time).
The buildings and neighborhoods of my city have a greater historical importance and sense to me then they ever had before, and they are another way I can channel myself back to my youth and any "memories" I may have
Another way is Hollywood high school movies ( or generally movies from the eighties)
Because I was too young to fully process what was going on at the time, and I also was a living experiment in brainwashing, like most of my generation, I see it reflected back to me in films like "Romancing the Stone" and "Throw Momma from the Train"; I am attracted tot he vibe but I can only view lifestyles and clothing that I myself did not enjoy living in these times.
But these movies FEED ME the lie that I did, and I love the feeling of these movies, so I like to believe that this is true.
And I like how I feel, so I will continue to take their word for it.
Movies like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" have that incredible spirit of camaraderie high school can tend to evoke ( even if you didn't like going there all that much).
You were all in it together, in the same physical proximity, you all had to endure it, even if your problems were different.
That's the only thing this movie does for me, but it does it so well, that it's enough (notwithstanding the completely erroneous portrayal of teenage girls and sex. I NEVER discussed sex with girlfriends, and we never practiced blow jobs on carrots in the lunch room, or bragged about how long "our partners" lasted in bed or tried to one up each other - I mean, maybe popular girls did, and maybe this is meant to poke fun at the general prudeness of girls at the time, but many girls in my school never even dated, and probably never even dated until way after they graduated (like me).)
See? Everything really is just someone else's opinion
"Heathers" is one of my favorite movies of ALL TIME and definitely a far fetched portrayal of high school politics and society, but the CLIQUES WERE REAL, and the struggle for popularity was too ( just not with color-coded uniforms).
When I was in elementary school, I had created an entire high school world that contained a powerful high school clique run by a girl named Marley Cooper ( I thought she should have a bohemian, masculine-sounding name because I hated really girly shit).
Creating it allowed me to fulfill my dream of having it, living my life in that CLIQUE, not just as the leader, but any of its characters: the cool pretty girl who hardly says anything, the bitchy sidekick, the leader who was acknowledged as superior to everyone but had a lot of integrity and was actually quite down to earth. And while it was a lot less brutal than the world of Heathers, it was still hierarchical and stuck up
(although I always allowed for that "interesting POOR girl" to join the main clique, just like in real life!)
Just like real American society! Which really IS just an extension of the economically stratified world of its' high schools (with movie actors and other wealthy people at the top).
No one I knew in the eighties or nineties actually dressed like they do in "Heathers" or "Clueless" or "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" or any of the Molly Ringwald movies, but I look for that style now in vintage shops and thrift stores and seek to recreate it as an homage "TO MY PAST".
The nostalgia I feel in watching these films harkens me back to a time I DID NOT LIVE; I don't have any memories or myself and they don't fill me with any emotion.
Maybe the atmosphere was the same, and it is the only thing honestly portrayed in these movies, but it doesn't look the same (Forensic Files is a much more accurate portrayal of the eighties and nineties, through its' grainy, recovered footage, actual photos of the characters of these gruesome real-life stories, and its cheesy reenactments.)
My life, my past, my youth, the foundation of my youth, the memories of it, my body's reactions and recollections of it, may be trapped somewhere deep inside, but my conscious doesn't recall it, and its' memories have been supplanted with Hollywood's portrayals and feelings.
The reality of the Matrix IS HERE, and has only begun to be revealed to us in my generation (although that fellow from "The Catcher in the Rye" did say that his imagination was completely occupied by Hollywood films and when he tried to imagine things, he couldn't do it his own way, but through the images he saw in films).
Andy Warhol said life is not as vivid as television.
My mind has been supplanted by television.
I have no mind.
If I try to recover it, there will be nothing there I fear.
So I must keep the movies in then.
The same memory, shared by others.
And what's the difference between a shared un-reality and a shared reality?
What's the difference between a robotic clone human from Westworld, and a real human being?
Is it an issue of freedom?
Amargita Zestoff not only lost her homeland, but her mind as well.